Give a Girl some Whiskey
by Elred Bluegreen
Summary: Tomo meets a bottle of whiskey during the girls' third-year summer trip! Stuff happens... Rated T for maybe a really mild and quiet alcohol reference sneaked somewhere in there...  /blatantlies


When she was sure the entire cabin was asleep, Tomo snuck out of her bedroll and went downstairs to the refrigerator. There, she began searching for the good stuff.

"Stupid Yukari." She muttered, pulling the bottom drawer in the refrigerator open, "_You're too young to drink,_ she says. _I won't let you,_ she says, chuggin' down a whole can of beer, I bet she started when she was in first grade or something..." Finally, behind a huge tub of butter near the top shelf, she found, better than a few hidden cans of stout, a huge bottle of, of all things, whiskey. Amazed by her luck, Tomo struggled to contain her deviated excitement with the find, gritting her teeth together to keep from laughing.

"Hehe... ooh, this is so great! I bet Nyamo doesn't even know that Yukari saved this stuff! She probably kept it for some binge drinking at the beach tomorrow... _score!"_

"Tomo? What're ya doing down here?" Osaka asked, rubbing her eyes. "Did you get hungry, too?"

"Huh? Me?" Tomo stammered, quickly hiding the bottle behind her back. _It's so heavy... I wonder how much it is? Two quarts, maybe? _"Uh, yeah, I did, and... I don't like eating around people!"

Not even Osaka would be convinced. "Nuh-uh. I'm not buyin' that one for a second, Tomo." She mumbled. Not even HALF ASLEEP Osaka was convinced. "What're you hiding?"

In fact, half asleep Osaka seemed to be a little MORE attentive right now. Normally, she wouldn't ask. The last course of action for Tomo was a bribe.

"Um, want to have a few shots?" She laughed nervously, revealing the bottle.

"And, and then Yomi," Tomo slurred, almost incoherently, as she filled her glass to the brim again, "She's all like, 'what the hell are you doing in there?' And you know what I said to her then?"

"What?" Osaka asked. She hardly even seemed affected by the alcohol, holding it like a brewery tank.

"I said, 'your dog!'" Tomo burst out laughing. Not just laughing, falling over herself with hysteric glee, pounding the table with her fist, which she couldn't even keep closed. Her face was glowing bright red, as if she didn't appear impaired enough. Osaka just turned her head slightly.

"I don't get it." She said.

"Oh, oh, you've gotta hear this one! It's even better!" Tomo sprawled out over the table, pouring Osaka another glass of whiskey. "It was when Yomi had her first... oh my gosh, I can't even say it! It was just so FUNNY!" Yet another fit of hysterics. Osaka looked at her glass again, trying to toss it back the same way Tomo did, but the burning of the alcohol nearly choked her.

"C'mon, Osaka, man, you've hardly been saying anything! I know I'm not the only dealer of dark secrets around here! You have to have some good drinking stories from Osaka, right?"

"I ain't got none." Osaka turned her head away in irritation.

"Ooh! You're hiding something! You're _totally _hiding something!" Tomo practically slid over the table and wrapped her arm around Osaka's shoulder with a smug, snakelike expression. "Maybe that's why you can hold it in so well! You drank, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't." Osaka said flatly, not even making eye contact like usual. "I've just got tolerance."

"WELL then why do you have tolerance? Maybe it's genetic! Maybe it was your parents who drank and you just got it from them!" Tomo poured herself yet another shot and reeled back into her chair while simultaneously trying to down it. As a result, the chair tilted back, spilling the whiskey all over Tomo's shirt and Tomo onto the floor, with a loud THUD.

"Tomo?"

"Awww, I hadn't drank that yet!" Tomo whined loudly.

"Hello? Is someone down there?"

Osaka froze in terror at the sound of Chiyo's voice. They were about to be found out, Chiyo would most certainly see the lights, come downstairs, and...

"Chiyo-chan!" Tomo stood up again, taking an empty glass from the cupboard and pouring some of the whiskey from the bottle into it. "Just in time, lady of the hour! C'mon down and join the party!"

"Huh?" Chiyo took a few steps down, enough so she could look into the kitchen. "Tomo? Miss Osaka? What're you two doing down here? And what's that smell?" She walked off the stairs and into the kitchen.

"That's the smell of liquid happiness, dear girl!" Tomo burped and held up the new glass. "It's the best in the house!"

Osaka looked at Tomo. "Huh?" She asked.

Chiyo was still confused. "Um... Tomo? You don't look like you're in very good shape. Is that whiskey?"

"No, no, it's fruit punch! I made it for you myself!" Tomo objected, just barely shuffling over to the girl with the glass intact. "Here, try some!"

"This doesn't smell like fruit punch, Tomo. And..."

Osaka looked at Chiyo again. "Huh?" She asked, again.

"Oh, we spilled some of the whiskey on the kitchen counter! You know Osaka, she thought it was the pineapple juice! Ahahaha..."

"What?" Osaka's eyes widened.

"C'mon, Chiyo-chan! It's just punch! Toss it all back!"

In contrast, Chiyo's eyes narrowed. "Tomo, I'm not that stupid. You've been drinking Yukari's whiskey, haven't you? We don't even have any pineapple juice here."

Tomo looked back at Osaka. "Next time," she struggled, "you help me straighten out the cover story first!" She snapped back to Chiyo. "OK, maybe it IS whiskey, want some?"

"You're really asking her that?" Osaka marched up and snatched the whiskey glass from Tomo, downing it in one rapid motion. "You can't go asking Chiyo-chan to drink like that!"

"Huh? Well, she's gonna tell on us! We need to keep her from spillin' the beans, y'know..." Tomo burped again, followed by a hiccup.

"She is?" Osaka jumped. "Wait... that'd be bad, right?"

"NO DUH!"

Suddenly, both drinking buddies snapped their eyes on Chiyo. With an audible gulp, Chiyo tried to turn and run back up the stairs.

"Hold her down!" Osaka yelled desperately. Even drunk, Tomo could outrun Chiyo, cutting her off from the stairwell, but she wasn't coordinated enough to grab her. Screaming, Chiyo whirled around and tried to run into the kitchen, right past Osaka, who was standing there, arms outstretched, like a scarecrow, hardly even moving.

"Whaaat?" Tomo lurched back to her feet, "You HAD her!"

"Huh? What?" Osaka looked back, seeing Chiyo scrambling under the countertop like a small dog trying to get under a fence. It was now, of all times, that the whiskey began to kick in. "I didn't know which one to grab!" She defended.

"Whatever! Get her!"

"I can't see straight, Tomo!" Osaka groaned, falling backwards onto her butt. "I wanna get off! Stop the room!"

Tomo fell on her hands and knees and began awkwardly scooting after Chiyo, grabbing her ankle and pulling her out from under the counter, then gripping her arms around the tiny girl and pulling her up off the floor.

"I gotcha now, Chiyo-chan!" She laughed evilly, before losing her balance AGAIN, mistakenly throwing Chiyo onto the countertop and wiping out half the glassware in the room. Her discoordinate swipes to recover the girl proved even more destructive, as pots and pans flew everywhere, crashing and clattering and shattering more glasses and light bulbs. One even gained enough momentum to go sailing through the window, presumably all the way out, off the cliff, to the beach.

Osaka curled into a ball on the floor in a complete sense overload, making some kind of whimpering noise.

"Come back here, dammit! We can talk this out over a good glass of scotch!" Tomo finally got her hold by wrapping her arms around Chiyo's waist and yanking her off the counter, falling backwards and twisting around, so that Chiyo was beneath her on the linoleum.

"THERE!"

"What the hell are you guys doing down here to make all this fricking noise?" Yomi came down the stairs, treated to a chaotic scene akin to the aftermath of an action movie shootout. Broken glass shards were everywhere, pots and pans and a panicking Osaka littered the floor, a window looked like it'd been shot out, and the icing on the cake, it looked like Tomo was trying to rape Chiyo.

"Dear God, WHAT IS THIS?"

"I don't know, man! I'm freaking out!" Osaka wailed, rocking slightly, "I'm freaking out!"

"Um, hi, Yomi? Care for a drink?" Tomo asked. The effort to stand proved too much this time for her system to handle, and she passed out.

"Oh boy." Miss Kurosawa covered her eyes and heaved a hissing sigh. "Oh, no. This place is completely trashed. How much damage will this be to pay for?"

"How am I going to explain this to my parents?"

"Don't worry about that, Chiyo, it wasn't your fault."

"Oh, GOD, my head..." Tomo moaned, bundled up in the thick quilt with the ice pack over her forehead. "What the hell IS this? Why can't I feel my ass?"

"Mmfffhmmfffuhf..." Osaka'a voice was muffled by the pillow on which she was laying face-down, with her ice pack on the back of her scalp. She was covered by the cabin's heated table. Both of the girls were in very sorry shape, to say the least.

"They're paying for their little night of adventure now, though." Kurosawa walked to the phone. "Don't worry about it, Chiyo, I'll call and explain everything. And I'll make it clear that it was no fault on your part, OK?"

"Thank you, Miss Kurosawa."

Kagura, who had remained largely low-key the whole time, quietly stepped around Chiyo and Kurosawa, leaning in next to Tomo's ear.

"Tell me next time you do something like that, OK?" She asked, with a sly wink.

"I heard that!" Yukari snapped, before leaning in as well. "Me, too."

"_Ugghhh..._" To be honest, Tomo had made the decision hours before that she WOULDN'T be trying anything like this again.

Author's note: Whiskey is bad, ladies and gents! If you're getting drunk, go all-out! Vodka! It'll get you passed out quicker'n anything else! XD Read and review, folks!


End file.
